The Gift of Balance

The Day

It’s hard to describe today. The kitty is basking in her usual ray of sunshine. Laundry spins in the machine, washing away previous days’ dirt. My cuckoo clock ticks and sways, ticks and sways, rhythmically passing time. The day seems so ordinary and it is…yet it isn’t. One year ago today a colleague and good friend committed suicide. One year ago today, someone who always brought a smile, a song, humor and hope into everyone else’s life; felt sad, song-less, humorless and hopeless. I don’t share this with you to crush your day or be a downer. I share this because I had no idea; none of us did. We were so busy soaking up the friendship and joy he brought to our lives, we didn’t realize his bucket was empty. Drained. Done. Spent. There are no fingers to point – no faults. No missed signs or signals; he was truly a master of disguise. But, to just move on letting time soften the sting of his void, living status quo as if his death were a mere hiccup in my very blessed life; that seems wrong.

The Gift

From his death, I understand that people hurt in different ways. Some visibly, open and obvious. Others with hints; quick almost glimpses into their despair. Still, others like my friend, hurt outwardly silent and inwardly desperate. From his death, I see there is no ‘bad’ time to encourage, show kindness, listen more, judge less, and offer help. Yet, like the ocean there is a high tide and a low tide. The high tide is when I give and the low tide is when I take and there has to be both for each to take place. I encourage yet I need encouragement and I am kind yet I require kindness. Listening to other’s story is important but so is feeling heard and it’s wonderful to offer help…but I also need to allow myself to ask for help. This is the rhythm, the balance I try to find. Perhaps this knowledge is the last gift my friend gave me.

The Balance

So in his honor, I do what I can to bring simple joy to those around me. I will hide my painted rocks, spread my crafting joy, give hugs and send ‘thinking of you’ texts. I’ll ask questions and wait softly for answers and give hi-fives and hugs. . . lots of hugs. Also in his honor though, I will take the positive vibes around me and fill my bucket. I’ll ask for help when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I will strive to be less judgmental of others AND myself. I’ll remember to say, “I need an ear…or a hug…or a ‘you-can-do-it’. My tide will roll out; waves depositing imperfect bits of affectionate pieces for others’ buckets and eventually, when my tide retreats, it will take with it the things I need to be joyFULL.

This is balance.

Sharing is caring!